どんどんでてくる
Happy new year. Hope this year will be the greatest one for everyone!
More than one year has passed since I started this blog. I still remember that I said '' I wanna keep writing. I don't want to stop it after updating just one or two articles.'' It might have been my goals in 2018 haha, so that I'm writing this blog now means I achieved my goals last year! Woah, well done for me!
One year is one year, but I feel my way of thinking, surroundings and experiences changed a lot compared to that of last year. Writing & submitting my thesis, traveling 6 countries including 5 countries I had never been to, graduating from the university, started working, knowing my lovely hometown more, organizing international exchange program, becoming volunteer tour guide of my favorite temple, attending international conference for the first time, making Nepalese friends, reading dozen of books, learning English, acquiring how to wear kimono by myself in a traditional and perfect way, enjoying family time, loosing my love who always gave me spiritual support. I want to get rid of last thing seriously. I still can't believe you guys are not here in this world. I can easily remember your smile whenever I close my eyes and I face with the difficulties or see someone who are mean to me. It's because I can feel I'm worth living to be loved.
My grandma, where are you? Still practicing in the heaven? Chanting the sutra for the family and friends you love? You don't have to any more but you can't help doing it, right? I know everything, my grandma, You always work too hard for everything but take it easy. Please just enjoy what you want to do with healthy body and spirit in the heaven. Now finally you have free time. You are healthy and your leg isn't painful. You can take a plane as you wanted to, so let's travel together! I really miss you. I always ask why. Too soon. I wanna spend more time with you because finally I was back to my hometown and don't have to concentrate on my homework so I can have more time with you, I wanted to chatting with you over a cup of tea and a slice of apple you peal. I wanted to learn how to wear kimono and cook good-taste meal from you. I wanted to go to the temple together. I wanted to go to shopping with you and mom and younger brother in the weekend as usual. I wanted to buy the souvenior for you whenever I travel abroad. Last Apiril, I was tired of everything and my mental health was bad. Then I said to you, '' I wanna leave here, I wanna be out of town.'' and you said, '' Please don't say that, I will miss you...'' WHY, I REALLY MISS YOU. I'm still here, so don't leave me here! Some say to me, '' Your grandma is with you at heart.'' but you know I'm persistent and awkward girl so I want you to stay with me here whatever people say. Please, my god. I can't wait to see her. Please. I miss you!
